AzuDai Returns Omake series
by jamesbondkid2001
Summary: A random assortment of oneshots that didn't make it to the Azumanga Daioh Returns series, but are funny nonetheless.
1. Granola Bars should Come with Warnings

**This one-shot started out in a conversation between myself and Funakounasoul. And it started on granola bars..."**

…

(_Koyomiko, Yomi, and Tomo are sitting on a couch, watching Funakounasoul on TV_)

Funari: Mmmm...Granola bar…

Announcer: This random moment was brought to you by Granola bar! It's healthy!

Funari: AND it has yogurt!

Yomi: Must go buy now! (_zips out to go buy some_)

Tomo: No willpower at all...

Koyomiko: Yay! Granola bars are yummy! (_zips out, too_)

Tomo: (_hangs head, sweatdrops_) why must I live in a health nuthouse?

(A _few minutes later, Yomi and Koyomiko come back, holding three granola bars_)

Yomi: Here, I got one for you (_hands Tomo a granola bar_)

Tomo: ah, oh well, better than nothing (_takes it, opens up package, and shoves half the bar in her mouth_)

Tomo: Hey, fis ish atually fetty good...

Koyomiko: Now Mama likes granola bars, too! (_jumps up and down happily_)

Tomo: (_swallows granola bar_) Oh, um, Yomi...when I picked up Koyomiko from daycare today, um...

(_Yomi looks at Tomo questionably_)

Tomo: They told me she learned a new word...

Yomi: Oh? What is it...?

Tomo: well, it wasn't actually a word, it was more of a thing, actually...

Yomi: Well? Just tell me already!

Tomo: It starts with 'F' and ends with 'U-C-K'

Yomi: ...

Yomi: ...

Yomi: ...(_eyes go wide_)

(_Tomo bursts out laughing_)

(_Tomo rolls on the floor, she's laughing so hard_)

Yomi: (_trying to not choke on her bar_) ...!!

Yomi: Wait...Did you just...

Tomo: She... bwahahahahahahaha!!!

(_Tomo tries to breathe_)

Yomi: ...

Tomo: She learned something new alright…

Tomo: Koyomiko, what did you learn that starts with "F" (_snickers_) and ends with (_snickers again_) "U-C-K"?

Koyomiko: Fire Truck!

Yomi: ...(_faints_)

(_Tomo can't hold back anymore, and begins to laugh hard again_)

Koyomiko: ...What's so funny? (_continues eating granola bar_) I don't get it...

(_Tomo finally regains her composition, and sits up_)

Tomo: You'll understand when you're older (_pats Koyomiko's head_)

Yomi: ...(_twitch_)...

Announcer: This one-shot was brought to you by the letters F, U, and the number 69!

…

Author's notes: Special thanks to Funari for that last line.

OK, you may have noticed that this is not listed as "Completed". That's because they're will be more one-shots being posted here. They're going to be from Azumanga Daioh Returns, but they will be scenes that didn't quite make it into the story, but are funny nonetheless.

Will be posting some more here as well!

JBK2K1

Jamesbondkid will return…


	2. Size does matter

**This one, I have no idea where this came from… probably when I was thinking about Tomo calling me a pervert in Weener1's help desk, with her being the pervert herself…**

…

(_Joe and Sakaki are sitting around the table when someone knocks on the door_)

Joe: I'll get it.

(_Joe gets up and answers the door to find Tomo standing there, except she now has a huge set of breasts_)

Joe: (_irritated_) Tomo, what do you want?

(_Tomo pushes herself past Joe, and goes and sits down at the table_. _Joe sighs at Tomo's usual antics, shuts the door, and goes and sits down as well_)

Tomo: (_Sounding exausted_) My god, these things are murder to me…

(_Tomo flips up her shirt without any warning. Joe sees that she is just wearing a fake breast attachment underneath. He then covers his eyes when he realizes that she's taking them off_)

Tomo: I have no idea how you LIVE with those things, Sakaki-san. They make ME feel top-heavy.

Sakaki: _(blushes and wraps her arms around her breasts in embarrassment_)

Tomo: (_finishes taking fake breasts off, and pulls her shirt back down_) OK, Joe, you can look now…

Joe: (_uncovers his eyes_) So, Tomo, why were you wearing those things in the first place?

Tomo: (_wildcat smile_) Because, apparently, if you wear these things in public, then drag guys into alleyways, and ask to see 'below the belt', they show you. AND IT WORKED!! (_looks happy_) My god, I saw so many male 'things' today!

Sakaki: (_face turns beat red, looks in absolute shock at Tomo_)

Joe: (_disgusted_) Oh my god! I need to go take a shower to go wash out those mental images!!

(_Joe quickly runs to the bathroom, and slams the door. Tomo and Sakaki now hear shower water running_)

Tomo: (_looks at bathroom door, deep in thought_) I wonder…

Sakaki: Wonder what?

…

(_Joe finally washes the mental images out of his head_. _He shuts the shower off, and opens up the shower curtain, to find Tomo standing there [fully clothed_)

Tomo: (_stares at Joe's naked body_)….

Joe: (_turning beat red_)….

Tomo: (_still staring_)….

Joe: (_quickly grabs towel and wraps it around his waist_) Tomo, what the hell are you doing in here?!!

Tomo: (_now looks up into Joe's eyes, and stares_) So, that's why you're so nice and not that perverted…

(_Tomo begins walking out of the bathroom_)

Tomo: (_mumbles_) it's so small…

Joe: (_Yelling_) GOD DAMN IT, TAKINO!!

…

Author's notes: I've got nothing for that (laughing hard)

Poor Joe… ended up on the receiving end of the joke that time.

JBK2K1

Jamesbondkid will return…


	3. Kaorin and the clones

**This one came up from one of my letter's to Weener1's help desk…**

…

(_JBK sits in his lab, and puts up his lab-glasses_)

JBK: Looks like I've finally done it.

…

(_Sakaki, and Kagura are sitting around a table in Sakaki's home_)

Sakaki: So, Kagura, what did you want to talk about?

Kagura: Well, I'm just thinking… you know, I know Kaorin loves me, but I think she still carries something for you, Sakaki.

Sakaki: (_smiling_) and she always will. She's told me this. But…no matter what, she still loves you, Kagura. It's just a small flame for me that she'll never get rid of.

Kagura: (_smiles back_) I suppose, just because you are her first love…

…

(_Kaorin is walking home from her Astronomy job, when she suddenly notices Sakaki_)

Kaorin: Ah, Sakaki-san! (_goes running up to Sakaki_)

Sakaki: (_turns toward Kaorin_) Ah, Kaorin! Just the person I needed to see! I wanted to tell you something.

Kaorin: Y-yes, Sakaki-san? (_thinks: what could she possibly want?_)

(_Three more Sakaki's now come out of hiding, and now surround Kaorin_)

Kaorin: (_Looks around her at the four Sakaki's, blushing even harder_)

Sakaki1: I wanted to tell you that JBK successfully cloned Sakaki into us four, and that we would like to go home with you…

(_The other three Sakaki's nod_)

Kaorin: (_face turning red_) R-r-r-really?!!

Sakaki2: In fact, I don't think Kaorin should be walking home. I think we should be carrying her.

Sakaki3: I was thinking the exact same thing (_giggles_)

(_All four Sakaki's grab the now completely red-faced Kaorin, and hoist her up, and begin carrying her home_)

Kaorin: (_thinks: I'm in heaven!! I'm in heaven!!! Multiple Sakaki's are carrying me home!!!_)

???: KAORIN!!!

(_Somebody comes running by, spraying something of a mist up into the air that causes the four Sakaki's to "Poof!" away_)

(_Kaorin is now lying on the ground in utter shock, as the body of Osaka comes running up_)

Osaka: Thank goodness I made it to ya in time! Those clones were about tah take ya away!

Kaorin: (_tears rivering down face_) But…those were Sakaki clones…

Osaka: I know! They picked the most athletic out of all of us so we could be captured easily!

Kaorin: (_crying_) But…I wanted…to be…captured…

(_Another object begins to form where one of the Sakaki clones were_)

Osaka: (_very afraid_) It…doesn't….work…

Kaorin: (_perking up_) Sakaki-san?

(_Osaka runs away screaming while Kaorin stands up looking hopefully at the figure forming_)

Kaorin: (_begins to chant quietly_) Sakaki-san…Sakaki-san…Sakaki-san…

(_Kaorin's face turns to horror_)

Kimura: Good evening, (_cracks neck_) Kaorin.

(_Kaorin begins to back up as the Kimura clone comes closer. Kaorin trips over something, and falls backward_)

Kaorin: Ouch!!...Wait, this is perfect!!!

(_Kaorin grabs the shovel she just tripped over, and stands up, holding the shovel in front of her, although she is still shaking a little in fear_)

(_Kimura notices the shovel, and stops. The Kimura clone stares into Kaorin's eyes, while Kaorin continues to shake a little_)

Kimura: I just wanna say, that I wouldn't mind smooching on your face.

Kaorin: (_utter shock_) WHAT?!!

Kimura: I'm just saying, that if it happened, I wouldn't mind it.

Kaorin: BURN IN HELL!!!

(_Kaorin hits Kimura clone over the head with the shovel, knocking him out. Kaorin continues to hit the unconscious Kimura clone on the ground, spraying blood everywhere._)

(_Kagura comes walking up, and sees this scene_)

Kaorin: (_still hitting_) YES!! YES!!! OH, GOD, YES!!!!

Kagura: (_watching_) Is she having a flipping orgasm?!

…

Author's notes: Uh-huh. Based on the letter to Weener1's Help Desk about Sakaki clones for Kaorin.

And you know for a fact that Kaorin killing Kimura would definitely cause her to orgasm, and you know it!!

Sorry that it wasn't anywhere close to as funny as the last one, but I really think it's going to be hard to outdo Chapter 2.

See you guys later!!

JBK2K1

Jamesbondkid will return…


	4. Product Placement

**This chapter is dedicated to ADR Product placement.**

…  
(This first idea I got from that yawning episode in Azumanga Daioh)  
...

(_The Azu-group is walking around in a grocery store._)

(_Chiyo yawns_)

Osaka: Wow, that's a good one (_Osaka yawns bigger_)

Tomo: Ha! I'm going to outdo you both! (_Tomo waits for a minute, then lets out a bigger yawn_)

Yomi: (_Yawns_) Dang it! Now I'm yawning!

Arata: (_Yawns really big_) Why are these things contagious?

Nyamo: (_Yawns_) I don't know…

Yukari: (_yawns_) I missed my nap today…

Joe: Stop ya…(_yawns_)…wning, dang it!

(_Sakaki yawns big_)

Kaorin: Woah, that was a really g (_yawns_)…ood one, Sakaki-san!

Kagura: This is ge (_yawns_) tting ridiculous!

Koymiko: The adults need to take longer naps!

Koharu: I agree with you on that!

Nekosa: One hundred percent!

(_All three Azu-kids take another drink of Pepsi Max_)

WAKE UP, PEOPLE!!!

…

Kaorin: Do you have problems with people constantly bugging you? Are you constantly ridiculed? Then call 1-800-HelpMeKaorin, and we'll send you this!

(_Shows a shovel, then goes back to Kaorin, now holding her own shovel_)

Kaorin: Look at how well it gets rid of unnecessary followers!

Kimura: Hello, Kaorin!

(_Kaorin hits Kimura over head with Shovel, knocking him down_)

Kaorin: See? It works!! Call now and we'll send you an additional shovel free of charge!! Call now!!

…

(_Kagura, Tomo, and Osaka are all walking down a road, and the skies are very cloudy_)

Kagura: Man, it looks like it's about to rain!

(_Suddenly, the skies clear up, and the sun comes out_)

Tomo: Wait, what the hell just happened?

Osaka: Well, the clouds were all dark and cloudy. And now (_holds up box_) they're Claritin Clear!

…

(_and, the grand finale_)

(_Tomo is standing there, a big wildcat smile on her face_)

Tomo: hehe…I think we all know that Joe needs to call about Celais, the once daily pill for natural male enhancement!

(_CLANG!! Shovel hitting Tomo's head, knocking her over.)_

Joe: Burn in hell, Takino!!!

…

Author's Notes: Wow, that shovel really does work! and I think poor Joe is gonna be ridiculed for the rest of his natural born life.

Joe: Why?! Why must you feel the need to ridicule me more?!!

JBK: Because it's fun, and you married Sakaki.

Joe: But this is hell!!

JBK: No, this is hell…

(_Shows Joe a computer running Windows Vista_)

Joe: That…is so true…

Hehe… guess I got one final rip on Microsoft for that one…

See you guys later

-JBK2K1


	5. Product Placement 2

**With the success of Product Placement 1, I figured I would make a sequel! So here it is for all to enjoy, Product Placement 2!**

…

(_Yukari's driving down the road. People are screaming and running for their lives, while the camera remains focused on Yukari_)

Yukari: Damn American Insurance companies… They all suck… Geico put me through to a lizard… Allstate made me hold hands with people… State farm moved in next door, and then complained about my noisy music… (_leans out window_) Get the hell outta my way!!!

Tomo (_who's got the camera_): So, what would you recommend for car insurance?

Yukari: I wouldn't recommend any car insurance.

(_Chiyo, who is very far away_)

Chiyo: I would recommend life insurance, though…

…

(_Tomo is running down the street, smoke always being behind her. She runs past multiple people, and continues to just go_)

Yomi: Where in the world do you get all this energy?

(_Tomo stops right in front of Yomi. Tomo lifts up her hair to show Yomi the back of her neck, which has two batteries on it_)

Tomo: Energizer batteries!! The longest lasting batteries for high energy people like myself!!

Yomi: Just keeps going, and going…

(_Mesousa from Pani Poni Dash comes walking up, holding a drum_)

Mesousa: Um…the real bunny is on vacation…so…

(_Mesousa, with his lack of thumbs, drops the drum_)

Mesousa: (_manic depression_) I can't hold it…I'm not even a rabbit…

…

(_Yomi and Tomo walk in the door to find Koyomiko with the same amount of energy. She is running all around the house_)

Yomi: What in the world did she eat?

Tomo: (_wildcat smile_) She had Recess for breakfast.

Yomi: (_shock_) You gave her candy for breakfast?!

Tomo: Not candy, Recess Puffs cereal!

(_Koyomiko stops at the table, and shoves a few Recess Puffs cereal pieces up her nose_)

Yomi: Koyomiko, why in the world did you just shove those Recess Puffs up your nose?

Koyomiko: Because a nose in need deserves Puffs indeed!!

…

(_Joe is seen shaving in front of his bathroom mirror, however, he is shaving with a cell phone_)

Sakaki: Um…Joe, what are you doing?

Joe: I'm shaving with my new Motorola Razr!

…

(_This is actually author advertising_)

Joe: So, wait, we're not ripping on advertisement right now? OK, then (_waves_) hi, guys!!

Kagura: And to Anime Rebirth, I send my greeting to your cousin!!

Joe: His cousin?

Kagura: Yeah, Anna May Rebirth.

Joe: Oh...

(_Tomo comes running in, looking extremely excited_)

Tomo: Guys, I found out precisely why Jay's online name is "Weener1"!

(_Kagura looks a little disgusted. Joe hangs his head in utter shame_)

Tomo: It's like a flippin' snake!!

Kagura: You have no shame, do you?

Joe: Why must the world feel the need to mock me?

…

(_But we needed a grand finale, so, singing it all in English…_)

Nyamo: (_looks angrily at Yukari_) I…love…owning my own home

Nekosa: (_blushing cutely_) Cuddling with my mom…

Osaka: killing off those clones…

Arata: Unless they're twins.

Yukari: I…love… drivin' my car aroun'!

Koyomiko: Mama and Kaa-san!

Yomi: lookin' extremely fit!

Sakaki: cat…(_blushing_) twins.

Kaorin: I…love…Kimura eatin' dirt!

Koharu: Showin' guys the hurt!

Chiyo: Friends who don't fight…

Kimura: High school twins… (_All shiver_)

Tomo: I…love…a two piece bikini!

Joe: Tanaka Sakaki!

Kagura: Swimmin' in the pool!

Shaun: And somethin' about twins…

AND I LOVE YOU TOO!!!

HERE'S TO AZU-DAIOH!!!

-JBK2K1

See ya later!!


	6. Daioh Products

**I figured since I've ripped on enough products in the real world, that its time that the Azumanga Daioh girls got their own products (with the exception of Kaorin, since she got hers back in chapter 4)…**

…

(_Chiyo and Yukari are standing in front of the camera_)

Chiyo: Yukari, I want to you to cuss.

Yukari: Um…seriously?

Chiyo: Yes, I want you to let out and cuss as much as you possibly can.

Yukari: But…I'm not angry…

Chiyo: Someone stole your car again.

(_Yukari goes from calm to peeved in 0.2 seconds_)

Yukari: Son of a (female dog in heat), how the (heck) could someone (act of having sexing)ing steal my (screw)ing car?!! I'll show all those little (butt)holes just what (heck) is!!

(_Yukari blinks for a few seconds, unsure of what just happened. Chiyo looks into the camera_)

Chiyo: Now that's 90 percent cleaner. Mihama Air Filters. Because we don't like cuss words.

Yukari: You mean to (act of having sex)ing tell me that any cuss words I say are immediately censored out?

Chiyo: The airways are being cleaned out, Yukari.

(_Yukari looks even angrier than before_)

Yukari: (????????) (???????) (????????) Baloney!!!

(_Chiyo looks utterly stunned_)

…

Kagura: And now I'm going to advertise some sports bras!!

(_As she models herself, Kaorin looks on, blushing profusely_)

Kaorin: She looks so hot…

Joe: You are seriously getting turned on by this, aren't you?

Kaorin: I'm allowed!!

…

(_Tomo and Yomi open up the door to their house to find that Koyomiko has written the 'F' word on the wall in crayon_)

Yomi: Oh…my….god…

Tomo: K-k-Koyomiko, what are you doing?

Koyomiko: (_smiling brightly_) Isn't it nice? It's my colorful vocabulary!

Yomi and Tomo: No kidding…

Koyomiko's crayons! To increase YOUR colorful vocabulary!!

…

(_and because she was in the last Saga, she is allowed to be here_)

Yotsuba: (_Yotsuba smile)_ Buy Yotsuba Ice Cream!! It's the best Ice Cream there is!!!

Chihiro: That's right! It is!!

Yotsuba: And buy Jumbo eggs!! Jumbo laid them fresh this morning!!

Chihiro: (_sweat-drop_) hehe…um, that's the size of the eggs….

…

Osaka: I'm here to advertise my anti-clone spray! It's finally perfected!

Arata: And it's cheese-flavored!

Osaka: Guaranteed to kill any clones that come close!!

Arata: So buy now!!

(Disclaimer: Unsureifanticlonesprayactuallyworksduetothefactthatnocloneswerepresenttoactuallytestiton, sideeffectsmayincludeanynormalsideeffectsthatareusuallyassociatedwithcheese, pleasedonotsprayoneyespetsorsmallchildren.)

Osaka and Arata: Ayumu Kasuga's anti-clone spray!! It works!!

…

Joe: Well, Tanaka and Nekosa should be home soon.

(_Nekosa and Sakaki come walking in the door_)

Nekosa: Look, Okaasan bought a new purse!!

(_It is a Necoconeco purse, and Sakaki looks immensely satisfied_)

(_Sakaki's voice_) Necoconeco merchandise, because it's cute

…

Yukari: I WILL kick IcemanX's butt in Halo 3 this time…

Nyamo: Are you sick and tired of losing in Halo 3?

Yukari: I'm not losing!! I'm winning!!!

Nyamo: Do you say you're winning; yet it seems like all the replays say you don't?

Yukari: Well, ya got me there…

Nyamo: Well, just call 1-800-PWN-YOUS, and a certified Halo 3 specialist will be at your door in just minutes to PWN the heart and soul out of your online friends.

(_Yukari calls up the number, and her doorbell rings. She runs to answer it to find…_)

Yukari: IcemanX?!!

IcemanX: Yukari?!!

Nyamo: (_grinning sheepishly_) I loved setting that up!

…

Tomo: Tomo Takino Vacuum Cleaners!! They suck!

(_Tomo reads her lines again_)

Tomo: Hey!! Who wrote this?!!

(_Joe is laughing hard in the back_)

Joe: Sweet revenge!!

…

Author's Notes: I loved writing that grand finale.

Joe: (_big smile_) I loved you writing the grand finale.

Tomo: (_off-screen_) Shut up!!

Anyway, I was writing this chapter as I'm writing the 'Nightmare 2' Chapter for ADR, which means I'm about halfway done with the next saga already!!

Woohoo!!

-JBK2K1


	7. Humor Scenes

**These are totally random scenes inserted for the pure sport of humor.**

…

(_Tomo goes and ties a knot in a rope. She then ties it around herself, then goes and ties the rope to the back of a car._)

Joe: Tomo, what are you doing?

Tomo: Isn't it obvious? I've tied the knot, and now I'm getting hitched.

…

(_Tomo, Yomi, and Koyomiko all walk into a McDonalds. Yomi and Koyomiko go sit down while Tomo runs up to the counter_)

Tomo: Hi, I'd like a wiener….

Cashier: -surprised and a bit shocked- um….maim, uh…..

Tomo: Could you supersize that for me too? (_starts laughing hard_)

Yomi and Koyomiko: So immature…

…

(_Koyomiko goes running up to Yomi_)

Koyomiko: Kaa-san! Kaa-san!!

Yomi: What's up, Koyomiko?

Koyomiko: Mama just told me a dirty joke!!!

Yomi: (_thinking_) Oh no…

Koyomiko: Wanna hear it?

Yomi: Uh…no, that's OK…

Koyomiko: Two pigs rolling around in the mud!!

(_Yomi is stunned silent_)

Koyomiko: See? It's dirty!!

(_Yomi is still stunned silent. Tomo's laughing so hard she can't breathe_)

…

(_Sakaki is walking through a store._)

(_She blushes when she notices cute little toy dogs with cute little overshirts on them)_

Sakaki: Oh, sweater puppies….

…

(_Joe, Sakaki, and Nekosa are sitting at home around a table eating breakfast._)

(_Sakaki takes a bite of egg, and swallows it_)

Sakaki: -BUUURP!!-

(_Sakaki's hand slaps over her mouth, and her face turns a beat red. Joe and Nekosa can't help but stare at her in total and utter shock_)

Sakaki: (_very quietly_) excuse me….

…

(_Joe comes bursting in to a room, where JBK sits in front of a computer_)

Joe: Hey, James…

JBK: 'Sup?

Joe: Heard you went over to Tanaka's parent's house in "Help Desk Day Off"

JBK: You heard right, and I can now say I know your pain. Daichi's….(_shivers_)…scary.

Joe: Also heard you were staring at her mom's boobs.

JBK: (_blushing furiously_) I couldn't help it, OK?! I was nervous!!

Joe: (_waving one hand_) Whatever…

JBK: (_blushes harder_) It's true!!

Joe: Anyway, though, that kind of left me wondering…

JBK: (_calms down_) Yeah?

Joe: What would have happened if Tanaka had actually taken a liking to Kaorin? And then Kaorin would have met with Daichi?

JBK: (_nervous_) Um….I don't think you wanna know…

Joe: (_firmly_) Yes, I do…

JBK: (_sighs_) OK, then…

(_JBK copies ADR somewhere else, then rewrites it so that Sakaki fell in love with Kaorin_)

…

(_Kaorin and Sakaki are walking up to meet with Sakaki's parents_)

(_Sakaki knocks on the door, and big, gruff Daichi opens the door_)

Daichi: (_almost in a grumbly tone)_ Hello, there, Tanaka…

Sakaki: Dad, this is Kaorin Aida…and…we're set to marry.

(_Daichi takes one look at Kaorin, then looks back at Sakaki_)

Daichi: (_happily_) I'm so happy for you, Tanaka.

…

Joe: WHAT?!!!!!!

JBK: (_hangs head_) Yeah…90 of all overly protective fathers are more accepting of their girls becoming lesbians than actually marrying guys.

Joe: (_angrily_) That's a bunch of total bull!!!

JBK: Though you say that, it's terribly true.

Joe: GAAAAHHHH!!! This is crap!!! You mean to tell me that Kaorin wouldn't have to go through the same problems I had to?!!!

Kaorin: (_smiling evilly_) Kaorin: 1. Joe: 0.

JoeL (act of screwing, and he says it for a good 30 seconds) , and you had to go install those Air filters, too?!!

JBK: Yeah, had to. Need to keep this fic 'T' rated.

Kaorin: Kaorin: 1. Air filters: 1. Joe: 0.

Joe: DAMMIT!!!!

…

Author's notes: For those of you that didn't get the whole 'sweater puppies' joke, read "Help Desk Day off" Chapter 2. To Jay, that story is a pure stroke of genius, keep it up!!

And 'the gentle Sakaki suddenly letting out a loud burp', I suddenly burst out laughing when I thought of that.

Anyway, I'm headed off this Saturday to see Jeff Dunham Live, so I won't be here writing up my fic, but I'll be back after that!!

-JBK2K1

PS. I'm about halfway through the Christmas chapter now


	8. TV Spots

**Well, we have a small problem… It would seem that the Azu-group have gotten stuck in my television…**

**So (hehe) I'm just gonna keep changing the channel to see how they interact…**

**Warning: Rated 'M' for a bit of strong language…**

…

Joe: Hey, I think we're in one of those 'Mac vs. PC' Commercials!

Tomo: So…why the hell…?

Joe: Just because you switch to a channel doesn't mean you're going to get a show every time!

Tomo: Oh, yeah!

Joe: So…(_smiles evilly_) You know, when my computer gets a virus, I love telling people that 'My computer has an STD'…

Tomo: Why's that?

Joe: Because it's usually running Windows, and we know how much Microsoft loves screwing people…

…

(_Every three dots means a channel change from now on_)

…

(_Yomi is standing there with an apron on, washing dishes. Oh, and there's no Technicolor_)

(_Tomo comes walking in with a suit on_)

Tomo: Yooooomi! You got some 'splainin' to do!

Yomi: Waaaaaaah!

…

Tomo: Ready, Yomi?

Yomi: Ready, Tomo!

Both: 1…2…3!

(_Both come floating up to Koyomiko_)

Tomo: I'm Tomo!

Yomi: and I'm Yomi!

Both: And we're….you're fairy godparents!

…

Koyomiko: You just have to use your…imagination! (_rainbow!_)

Yukari: Oh, just shut up, you happy-obsessed child!

…

(_An American football game is playing. One team receives a kick, and runs it for a touchdown, when a referee throws a flag_)

Ref: During the return, holding, on the receiving team…

(_Yukari comes running up, and hits him over the head with a Gatorade cooler)_

Yukari: There's your holding, you asshole!! What are you, blind?!

(_Up in the booth…_)

John Madden: It seems a crazed fan has hit the ref over the head with a Gatorade cooler! And now security's tackled her! Ouch! That really looked like it hurt…

(_Camera changes to shot of Sakaki in the stands…_)

John: Now…(_circles her boobs_) There's something that's real nice and good, right there.

…

(_Kagura and Kaorin are kissing_)

JBK: hehe… looks like lesbian porno…

(_Kagura and Kaorin both stop, and look into the camera_)

Kaorin: Oh, like hell we're doing this in front of a camera!

Kimura: (_off screen_) But this is my video…

Kagura: Oh, hell no!

…

Announcer: (_off-screen_) And the sound of the bell starts the wrestling match of Kimura vs. Kaorin.

Kaorin: Oh, hell yes! Welcome to my world of pain!

Kagura: (_blushing, wide eyed_) Nice outfit…

(_For those of you who don't watch wrestling, the girls on that, even when they're wrestling, only wear enough to cover the 'good spots'. The men often wear tights_)

(_Kaorin immediately wraps her arms around her chest_)

Kimura: (_creepily_) I'm liking this already…You can see my good points too…

Kaorin: Gah! Switch!

(_She tags out with Kagura_)

Kagura: Oh, yes, welcome to MY world of pain!

(_Kagura does multiple wrestling moves, finishing off with a piledriver…_)

Kagura: Burn in hell!!! (_Piledrives, and the bell dings three times_)

…

(_Tall golden grass in Africa moves from side to side, as if something is moving through it_)

Announcer: and now we watch…as the wild cat pounces upon its unsuspecting prey…

(_Tomo pounces on top of Yomi_)

Tomo: (_wildcat smile)_ Did'ja hear that, Yomi? He said you were unsuspecting…

Yomi: (_mumbles_) Damn it all…

…

Tomo: And now it's time for cooking with Tomo!

Koyomiko: Mama! I'm having problems cooking!

Tomo: That's OK! Mama can fix it! (_Grabs pan handle, and adds some sauce_)

(_FWOOOOOOSH!!! Flames immediately irrupt from the pan. Tomo jumps back, as Yomi comes running out, and dowses the fire with a fire extinguisher_)

Yomi: …or maybe she can't…

…

Arata: What did you see, Ayumu? What did you see?

Osaka: Aliens…

…

(_Yomi is shoving toothpaste into Tomo's mouth_)

Yomi: Do you have a dirty mouth? Then Crest toothpaste will take good care of it!

Tomo: (_spits out toothpaste_) Darn you to heck! Gah! I can't curse!!

Yomi: (_smiling_) See?

Koyomiko: (_clapping happily_) Yay! Mama can't curse no more!

…

(_Joe is dressed like Neo from the Matrix movies. Tomo is standing down the road in her usual shirt and jeans. Everybody else is standing on the sidewalk_)

Joe: Tomo, it ends tonight. I'm sick and tired of the crap you not only pull on me, but on everybody else!

Tomo: hehe…well, let's see what you got…

(_Joe puts on a pair of sunglasses, making him look ridiculously cool_)

Tomo: Bah! You think you're so cool?! (_points finger_) I can be just as cool as you! Watch!

Yomi: (_pleading_) No, Tomo, please don't…!

(_Tomo begins dancing really weirdly as the music starts_)

**Things that bother you never bother me, I feel happy as pie, Haha! Livin' in the sunlight, Lovin' in the moonlight, havin' a wonderful time!**

(_The sunglasses fall right off of Joe's face. His mouth is hanging open as Tomo continues_)

**Haven't got a lot, I don't need a lot, coffee's only a dime. Livin' in the sunlight, Lovin' in the moonlight, havin' a wonderful time!**

Tomo: Ha! How's that?!

(_Everybody is stunned silent)_

…

(_Grand Finale_)

…

(_Joe and Sakaki are making out on a bed, and both of them are naked, covered up by blankets. Sakaki gets up, keeping hold of the blanket to cover up her good points, and walks over to the door_)

Joe: Well, Tanaka, it's been fun…

Sakaki: (_smiling_) Yes, it has been…

Joe: I'll be sorry to go…

(_Sakaki pushes a button that makes the bed go up into the wall, with Joe still on it. She opens the door, and Kaorin and Kagura come in, carrying automatic guns. They completely shoot the bottom of the bed, and then all three of them run out._

_Later, Tomo and Yomi come in, and Tomo pulls the bed down._)

Tomo: (_checking his pulse_) We're too late…

Yomi: Well, at least he died on the job…

Tomo: He would have wanted to go that way…

…

Author's Notes: So, could you tell which shows I ripped on?

1. Mac vs PC commercials (as pointed out)

2. I Love Lucy

3. Fairly Oddparents

4. Spongebob Squarepants

5. This one's actually a rip on Naruto Abridged 17. If you want to only see the 25 seconds that I rip on, I left a link on my profile page.

6. ESPN

7. Some Porno Channel (I don't know any! I'm not perverted!)

8. Probably TNT, seeing as how they're the only ones to host that sort of thing anymore…

9. Animal Planet

10. A mixture of the Cooking Channel and a picture drawn by Funari called "Cooking Mama"

11. Silence of the lambs

12. Crest Toothpaste commercials

13. "You Only Live Twice", an Awesome James Bond movie!

Hope you guys got them all! (Especially that last one!)

-JBK2K1


	9. 12 pains of Christmas

**This idea came to me after AR's '12 days of Christmas Azu-Daioh style'. This one actually rips on a song known as the '12 pains of Christmas'.**

**Note: Don't skip right to the end! Each pain changes a bit as it goes on!**

…

Chorus: The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Chorus: is Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Chiyo: Putting up the star…

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Yukari: (_sounding drunk_) Hangovers….

Chiyo: (_grumpily_) Putting up the star…

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Nyamo: Caring for Yukari…

Yukari: Hangovers…

Chiyo: That damn star…

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Chorus: YOOOOOO-MI SINGING!

Nyamo: Damn it, Yukari!

Yukari: One more bottle!

Chiyo: Might as well get a ladder…

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Tomo: Tomo Yomi fictions…

Chorus: YOOOOOOO-MI SINGING!!

Nyamo: I think you've had enough!

Yukari: Hey, Drunk! I'm not Nyamo! (hic)

Chiyo: One step at a time…

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Yomi: All that fatty food…

Tomo: Like it would show with you, tubby…

Chorus: YOO (_Yomi smacks Tomo_) OMI-SINGING!!

Nyamo: Damn it, Yukari, stop!!

Yukari: I'll stop when I'm passed out!

Chiyo: Slowly put it up…

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Joe: Damn cranky people…

Yomi: (_angrily at Tomo_) Wanna say anything more?!

Tomo: Are we even flipping singing anymore?

Chorus: YOOOOOO-MI SINGING!!

Nyamo: I can't believe they keep singing…

Yukari: (hic) I'm gonna hurl…

Chiyo: The ladder fell! Someone help!!!

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Osaka: Commercial advertising.

Joe: They wake up way too early…

Yomi: I wonder what Funari's doing…

Tomo: You know I hate her, and so do you!

Chorus: YOOOOOOOO-MI SINGING!!

Nyamo: Gah! (_kicking passed out Yukari_)

Yukari: (_snores_)

Chiyo: I'm still hanging from the tree!!

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Kagura: Not finding what you want…

Osaka: I'm advertising about aliens...

Joe: Those grumpy people all need to be kicked.

Yomi: Is this even a song anymore?

Tomo: As long as the chorus keeps going…

Chorus: YOOOOO-MI SINGING!

Nyamo: That's it! I'm leaving!

Yukari: (_sleeping_) Yeah, I like that….

Shaun: Chiyo! I'll save you!

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Azu-kids: Getting what we want!

Kagura: Put it on your wish list…

Osaka: Did you know that Santa's a pervert?

Joe: If he's Kimura, then yeah.

Yomi: My singing's not that bad!

Tomo: Speak for yourself.

Chorus: YOOOOOO-MI SINGING!

Kaorin: I can't believe Nyamo left!

Yukari: (_snoring again_)

Shaun: Woaaaaaah! (_crashing noises from tree falling to ground_)

Chorus: and Kimura giving mon-ey!

…

Chorus: The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…

Sakaki: (_blushing_) cute puppy toys…

Koyomiko: We haven't been included in this at all!

Nekosa: Makes you feel left out, doesn't it?

Koyomiko: Yeah, it does!

Koharu: That's it! We're taking over!!

Joe: You can't do that!!

Koharu: Wanna bet?!

(_crashing noises_) Chorus: YOOOOOOO-MI SINGING!

Kaorin: How the hell does the chorus keep going?!

Yukari: (_throws up_)

Shaun: We're OK! (Chiyo: Speak for yourself!!)

Chorus: and Kimuraaaaaaa giving mon-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!.

…

A song based off of 'the 12 pains of Christmas'. Something that came to me after reading AR's '12 days of Christmas'.

Hope you all enjoyed it!

(_Entire Azu-group, most of them wrapped in bandages, looks at JBK angrily.)_

Hehe…um….

We'll…see you guys later.

-JBK2K1


	10. Yomi's Revenge

**Note: The restaurant that Yomi, Tomo, and Koyomiko go to is "Fancy!! Restaurant", the same one that Joe proposed to Sakaki in Chapter 47 of 'Azumanga Daioh Returns'**

…

Yomi, Tomo, and Koyomiko have all gone out to dinner at "Fancy!! Restaurant"

"Wow, this was really nice of you to bring me out here…" Tomo said.

"Nah, I don't mind, really…" Yomi said.

Tomo didn't pick up on it, but Yomi had something in her voice that said she was planning something…

…

"So, what'll it be?" Rei asked.

"I'll have the most expensive thing on the menu with a drink with lots of caffeine and sugar in it!! It's all on her tonight!!" Tomo said, pointing to Yomi at that last part.

Now, normally, Yomi would have scorned Tomo for ordering such expensive food. But tonight, she was going to let it slide.

"And for me, I'll have the Matsusaka beef with just a cup of tea." Yomi said.

The two mothers stared at Koyomiko (who was sitting on Yomi's side of the table), who was staring at the menu with a determined look on her face.

Moments pass, and Koyomiko still hasn't made up her mind. Rei's eye is twitching madly, and she's about ready to break out yelling.

"Hm…" Koyomiko finally said. "Kaa-san, what would you recommend?"

Anything, just get me out of this mess!! Rei thought.

"I would recommend getting what I'm getting, and that would be the Matsusaka beef." Yomi said to Koyomiko. (Yomi had retained her cool throughout this entire thing)

"OK, then I'll have the Masaka beef, with some lemonade!" Koyomiko announced to Rei.

"It's Matsusaka beef." Rei grumbled.

"That's what I said. Masaka beef!" Koyomiko said.

Rei sighed. She hoped they tipped big…

"OK, then, I'll be back with your orders…" Rei said. And she left to go talk to one of the cooks in the kitchen.

But on the way…

"Psst! Hey!" someone from the shadows called.

"Hm?" Rei said. "Oh, it's you…It's been a while…"

"Yes, it has" the man said. "Listen, I need a favor."

"You gonna tip big on this one, too?" Rei asked with an evil smile.

"Though not as big, you only have to split this between you and the cook." The man said. "Are you up for something positively evil?"

Rei gave off such an evil smile. "Evil is my specialty…"

…  
Cooking time later  
…

Rei came walking back out, all three orders of food in arm.

"Ok, three orders of Matsusaka beef, and drinks." Rei said. "And a complementary rice bowl for ordering specially." and she put the bowl of rice in front of Tomo.

"Specially?" Tomo asked.

"Well, yeah. Rather than asking for something by name, you asked for 'the most expensive thing on the menu'" Rei said, as if it was common knowledge.

"Oh." Tomo said. Hey, if it was free, she wasn't about to turn it down.

Rei bowed, and left.

The Takino-Mizuhara family said "Itadakimasu!" and started eating. Tomo didn't even notice one man, that same man that had talked to Rei just moments ago, sneak up and sit at the table right behind her.

"Ah, Tomo, Yomi, Koyomiko, how very nice to see you." the man said.

"Ah, Joe-san! What are you doing here?" Koyomiko asked happily.

"Oh, I was just running through some old memories of this place. I proposed to Tanaka here, you know." Joe said, smiling as he looked back at the table.

Tomo couldn't help but smile evilly.

"As I recall, she believed me when I told her you were gay." Tomo said, laughing evilly.

"Hm…" Joe said. Though he hated Tomo for it, right now, he wasn't mad. Things had already been planned out perfectly.

"Well, that was excellent beef, now moving on to the complementary rice!" Tomo said.

Joe gasped. "Why, 'I' never got complementary rice! Can I have some?"

Yomi smiled evilly. That line had been her contribution to the plan.

Tomo looked at him for a moment, before beginning to wolf down the rice.

Both Yomi and Joe smiled evilly, even laughing a bit evilly too. Truth be told, Yomi had no idea what Joe had done, but she had helped plan this.

Tomo stopped eating (with her mouth still full) staring at Joe.

"Wmf fmo fummy? (What's so funny?) " Tomo asked

Joe pointed to one of the guys in the restaurant, and he stood up, and began singing:

(_Sung to "This is the night"_)

"What's this churning, deep inside? The need to hurl won't be denied…"

Then the entire restaurant pipped up.

"That isn't rice, that's MAGGOTS you're eating!!"

Tomo froze on the spot. She looked at her spoon.

Well, that explained why her rice was slightly brown, and had little eyes….

Tomo ran to the bathroom.

As both Joe and Yomi heard Tomo's "BLEEEEEEECK!!" Yomi put out her knuckle, and Joe pounded it.

"Mm…this is pretty good…"

Both Joe and Yomi looked down to see that Koyomiko had taken Tomo's bowl, and, without knowing what was in there, was now eating it.

The smile disappeared off of both of their faces.

Joe had to run to the bathroom to throw up. Yomi was incidently trapped, since Koyomiko had sat on the outer part of the seat.

"Koyo…miko…please…move…"Yomi said, covering her mouth with her hand.

Koyomiko moved out of the way, but who should be standing there but Rei.

"Is there something wrong, madam?" Rei asked.

BLEEEEEEECK!!!

…

And I'll leave you to figure out the rest ;)

…

Author's notes: Yeah, that was my idea for how both Joe and Yomi would get back at Tomo for some of the nasty things she's done over the years.

And then it backfired.

But that whole thing with the maggots actually came from a funny movie called 'Flushed Away'. I enjoyed it, despite it being a kid's movie.

Sometimes, I really do get my best ideas from some of those kid's movies.

Anyway, now for something else:

First up, I've gotten permission from two other people to now use some of their characters! Expect to see more coming out of this new saga of ADR!

Also, I have a new poll up on my profile. Please go out there and vote!!

-JBK2K1


	11. Rejected Bad Guys

**Well, the reason the saga took so long was because I had to go through a VERY long list of bad guys to use within this saga.**

**Here's the taping of just a few people we had to go through...**

**Note: Rated 'M' for cursing**

...**  
**

JBK: Hello, there! This is JBK, and I'm here with Tomo Takino and Joe Sakaki of Azumanga Daioh Returns, and they're going to help me pick out some of the bad guys for ADR's next saga, the evil saga!

(_JBK is sitting in the middle of Tomo and Joe_)

Tomo: So, why are you sitting in between us?

JBK: Because, I have a very good feeling that if I didn't, you'd probably pick on Joe the entire time.

Joe: Man, he can read you easily, Takino.

Tomo: Shut up down there!!

JBK: MOVING ON!!! (_clears throat_) Ok, first person, you may come in.

(_A scrawny man with really big glasses comes into the room_)

JBK: Ok, then, state your name...

Man: My name is AnimeFlagger124! I'm the one who flags all the anime video's on YouTube!

Tomo: You bastard! Why would you do that?!

Man: Because Anime is stupid!! You people should, like, stop watching anime, and start watching REAL stuff, like sports, and American Idol, that's what...

BANG!!!

(_AnimeFlagger124 falls dead to the floor. JBK is standing up, holding a smoking gun_)

JBK: (_sits back down_) I hate people like that.

…

(_The next man to come in is very super muscular, and very tall_)

Man: Hello, my name is Tiny.

BANG!!!

(_Tiny falls dead to the floor. Joe is standing up, holding a smoking gun_)

JBK: Um...Joe, I think that was his name.

Joe: Oh…

(_moment of awkward silence_)

Joe: oops.

JBK: (_turns to Tomo_) See what your teasing does to him?

Tomo: (_grin_) Hey, I enjoy it.

…

(_Next to come in is a girl with blonde hair_)

Tomo: Oh thank god! We finally have a girl trying out for these things.

Girl: Hi!!! I'm the Yaoi fangirl!!

Tomo and Joe: The what?

JBK: The Yaoi fangirl. She likes…(_begins to look sick_) men pairings.

Girl: And, like, oh my god, you two would make, like, the perfect couple!! (_points to Joe and JBK_)

Joe: lady, you are seriously messed up. I'm already married.

Girl: Oh, then you're wife will break up with you once she finds out the other has something…

JBK: Say what?

Girl: MAN BABIES!!!

(_Joe and JBK turn green in the face. They both whip around, and throw up into a garbage_)

Tomo: That's just disgusting. SECURITY!! GET HER OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!!

(_Security leads the girl out of the studio. Joe and JBK turn back around._)

Tomo: You guys gonna be ok?

JBK: Just give me a few minutes.

Joe: Let me go hug Sakaki for a moment. (_stands up and leaves_)

JBK: God…that was mentally scarring.

…

(_Joe is back in his seat_)

Tomo: Ok, next up we have…

(_another scrawny guy with purple hair_)

Guy: Hi…I'm the random pairings man.

Tomo: Random…what?

Guy: (_suddenly looks like he's had a stroke of brilliance_) Oh….I've just had an idea for the most brilliant fic ever!! OK, we pair up Scissors and Rock, and the reason that the two come to love each other is because Paper made a bet with Rock that Scissors wasn't a good kisser, ok…

(_JBK, Joe, and Tomo all have a 'What the hell?' look on their faces_)

…

JBK: and next we have…

(_A very short man with white hair comes out_)

Man: I am Porno man.

Tomo: Excuse me?

Man: There is a woman!! SUMMON TENTACLE MONSTER!!!

BOOM!!!

(_A gigantic monster that seems to be nothing but tentacles suddenly appears right in front of them._)

Joe: Holy hell!!!

Man: Now, my pet!! Seize the woman!!

(_The tentacles shoot straight for Tomo. Tomo jumps up from her seat and pushes up against the wall._)

(_The tentacles come within two millimeters of Tomo, when suddenly, they disintegrate. In fact, the whole monster suddenly disintegrates._)

Man: What the hell?!

(_Osaka and Arata come walking in from one side of the building. Both of them are holding guns, which clearly say 'Alien blasters' on the side_)

Osaka: We knew we'd find you here!!

Arata: Now it's time to finish you off!!

(_The man starts backing up. As he whips around to run, he runs straight into Joe, who's holding a gun._)

Joe: Like they said, it's time to finish you off.

Man: (_Holds up picture_) Look what I drew on Sakaki!

Joe: (_drops gun, grabs eyes_) GAAAAH! MY EYES!! IT BURNS!!!!

(_the man uses the opportunity to run out, followed closely by Osaka and Arata, who are chasing him out_)

JBK: Well, that was…weird.

Joe: Gah….my eyes…it's still burning….

JBK: (_sighs_) skip to commercial break for a moment, would you?

…

(_Goku is screaming as he powers up_)

(_pause_)

Voice: Hemorrhoids…drivin' ya crazy?

(_more of Goku screaming_)

Voice: Time to go see the doctor.

(_Laharl and Tomo, with Tomo behind Laharl_)

Tomo: 1000 YEARS OF PAIN!!!

(_Laharl screaming)_

Voice: Takino's proctology.

…

JBK: And we're back…

Tomo: So, Joe, what exactly did you see on Sakaki that made you freak out?

Joe: Huh?

JBK: Don't answer, Joe (_whispers to Takino_) I used mind soap on him. He won't remember anything about it.

Tomo: (_whispers_) So…did you happen to catch just what he saw on Sakaki?

JBK: (_whispers_) You don't wanna know.

Joe: NEXT!!!

(_Next to come in is a child-Chiyo, only she has a big scar running down the right side of her face_)

Tomo: Chiyo-chan? What are you doing here?

Chiyo: Who do you think I am, you flat-chested little shrew?!

Tomo: What'd you say, you little twerp?!

Chiyo: I am not the Chiyo you know. I come from another universe. I am the Anti-Chiyo!

JBK: Wait…This sounds familiar…

???: (_sophisticated voice)_ It should sound very familiar.

(_Tomo, JBK, and Joe look back to see Anti-Osaka. She has her eyes half closed the entire time, she has a monocle on her left eye, and she is holding a plate with a tea cup on it_)

Anti-Osaka: My dearest James, I do believe you are referring to something you've seen on the Television.

Tomo: Holy crap! She looks like Osaka, but she doesn't sound anything like Osaka!

Anti-Chiyo: What part of 'Anti' don't you get, you bumbling idiot?!

Tomo: You insult me one more time, I'm gonna wring your neck with your pigtails!!

JBK: So, um…where's the rest of the Anti's?

Anti-Osaka: (_cleans monocle, places back in front of eye_) They'll be coming in any moment. (_sips tea with pinkie out_)

Joe: That is some serious sophistication, right there.

(_Anti-Kagura is the next to walk in. She is wearing a pink dress, and has earrings_)

Anti-Kagura: Man, am I feeling girly…

JBK: Ok, now I think we are just getting…oh…wow…

(_Anti-Sakaki walks in. She is wearing possibly the skimpiest two-piece bikini anyone could wear, and some sexy high heels_)

(_JBK nose-bleeds so badly, he falls backwards in his chair. Joe's nose is slowly dripping blood_)

Anti-Sakaki: Oh, look at that!! He's staring at my hot body!! It was possibly my boobs that got his attention, although I would have to think that the rest of my body would probably…

Anti-Chiyo: Anti-Sakaki, shut up before I make it so you can't have kids!!!

Anti-Osaka: So, as you can see, almost all of us are here now.

Tomo: Where is the Anti-me?!

???: I…am coming in.

(_The anti-Tomo and Anti-Yomi come walking in. They still look exactly like their counterparts_)

Tomo: So…that's my evil self?

Anti-Osaka: your Anti-self.

Anti-Tomo: Yes…(_yawns_) it's the anti.

Anti-Yomi: You have you no energy at all, flat-chest.

Anti-Tomo. And that's why you and I are just friends.

(_JBK suddenly stands straight up, a look of slight horror on his face._)

Anti-Yomi: Yup. You and I are just friends. I'm actually in to Sakaki.

Anti-Tomo: Yup. And I like little Chiyo.

(_Everyone hears a rumbling noise_)

JBK: That's not good….

(_One of the walls explode, revealing one very ticked off Funari. Dark blue winds swirl around her, causing her hair to fly around madly_)

Funari: You…you…SHIIIIIIIIIIN!!

(_JBK grabs Tomo and Joe, and pulls them under the table with him. Funari sends wind blasts at all of the Anti-manga Daioh people, causing them to go flying, and eventually blasting them all out of the building_)

…

JBK: Well, since Funari destroyed one part of the building, I guess we're going to have to do only a few more…

Tomo: Next!!!

(_This man has red hair, is wearing a red shirt with a flame in the center of it, and red jeans_)

Joe: And your name is?

Man: I'm…a FLAMER!! (_holds up hand, and readies flame_)

JBK: (_angrily stands straight upright_) You!! Get out, now!!!

Flamer: Your story sucks!!!

(_As he says this, he throws the flame. JBK ducks out of the way just as the flame shoots overhead, and hits the wall behind him._)

Joe: Crap!! I think we'd better duck again!!

Flamer: OC's are stupid!! (_Throws another flame, Tomo and Joe duck underneath the table_)

Joe: God, why does this guy feel the need to shoot insults as he does this?

Tomo: I have no idea…

Flamer: This is an absolute crappy fic!! (_throws flame at table, setting it on fire_)

Joe: (_notices something wrong_) Say, where did JBK go?

(_Another wall suddenly explodes, causing the rest of the building to collapse. The flamer, Tomo, and Joe are unharmed._)

(_The flamer looks where the wall was to find every last fanfiction writer standing there. And they all looked peeved._)

(_The flamer readies another flame, when a rope suddenly grabs his arm from behind._)

Flamer: What the…?! (_looks behind him, to find Madoka, holding on to the rope_)

Madoka: Your kind has insulted me before…now, there is vengeance!!!

JBK: CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!!!

(_All of the author's run out, attacking and utterly destroying the flamer_)

…

(_Now everyone is cleaning up the destruction when a very tall man with orange hair comes walking in_)

JBK: Oh, I'm sorry, we're done for the day…besides, didn't you turn good?

(_The man shrugs his shoulders and nods at the same time, as if to say 'hm…well, yeah'_)

JBK: Sorry about that. But hey, nice to meet you!

(_The man nods, and walks out of the ruble_)

…

The man walks down the streets of Tokyo back to the airport. Kamineko is up sleeping on a wall, when the man stops, and looks at Kamineko, who perks up and stares back at the man.

Kamineko flashes a big bear-trap grin.

The man smiles, revealing his steel teeth.

…

Author's notes: Guess the surprise appearance at the end!! Give you a hint: James Bond.

So, yeah, as you can see, we went through a lot of baddies. And the building we had to use for the audtions was totally destroyed.

Never will get my deposit back.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this!!

-JBK2K1


	12. Random Thoughts

**Just some random thoughts that came up that finally made enough to get a chapter in Omake…**

…

Pairing problems, Part 1

…

(_JBK, Tomo, and Chiyo are in a room_)

JBK: So…um, what do you two think of Chiyo x Tomo?

Chiyo: (_gigantic sweatdrop_) Um…hehehe…

Tomo: (_squeezes Chiyo_) C'mere, ya little squirt!!

Chiyo (_flailing_) Gah!…Tomo…can't…breathe…

…

Pairing thoughts

…

(_Now, it's JBK, Kagura, Sakaki, and Kaorin_)

JBK: (_at camera_) So…Funari says that Kagura is in love with Sakaki…

Kaorin: (_angry glare at Kagura_) Oh, really?

JBK: But if you think about it…if Kagura likes both Sakaki and Kaorin, and Kaorin likes both Sakaki and Kagura…

Kagura: Um…what?

JBK: Then they could have a threesome!!

(_Sakaki's face turns beat red. Kagura and Kaorin both blush indecently_)

Joe: (_comes barging in_) Well now, what the hell?! Why can't I get involved in this?!

Three girls: PERV!!!

…

Pairing problems part 2

…

JBK: OK, so Chiyo x Tomo didn't work out…how about Chiyo x Yomi?

Chiyo: I personally think it wouldn't work out…

Yomi: (_squeezes Chiyo_) C'mere, ya little squirt!!

Chiyo: (_flailing_) Gah!...Yomi…Can't…breathe…again…

…

Karin the Vampire

…

(_JBK and Osaka)_

JBK: (_staring at computer screen_) So…I've been watching this anime called Karin. It's about a vampire, but it takes a different approach to vampires…

Osaka: Really? How so?

JBK: Well, first up, when you're bitten, you don't turn into a vampire, you simply remain human, just with nice vampire bites on your neck…

Osaka: Ya mean like a hickey?

JBK: (_furious blush_) Y-Yeah…something like that…

Osaka: Ah, ok…what else?

JBK: Well, each vampire has it's own taste in blood…like with Karin, her taste is unhappiness…

(_no response_)

JBK: (_turns around_) Osaka? (_sees her with a really big smile on her face_) What are you doing?

Osaka: Keepin' them vampires away.

…

Pairing problems part 3

…

JBK: Ok, so, so far things have not gone well. Let's try a more…accepted…pairing, and go with Chiyo x Osaka.

Chiyo: (_with neck brace_) Hell, it'll be better than anything right now…

Osaka: (_squeezes Chiyo's waist, crying_) Chiyo!! Yomi-chan and Tomo-chan say ya're gonna turn inta a squirt!!

Chiyo: (_back cracks_) Why….me?...

…

For added weirdness

…

(_Osaka, Ichijo from Pani Poni Dash, and Kisaragi from Happy Lesson are sitting around, playing cards)_

Osaka: Got any diamonds?

Ichijo: Go fish.

Osaka: (_picks up card, then lays down hand_) Straight flush, read 'em and weep!

(_Moment of silence_)

Ichijo: Damn…

Kisaragi: That's the third time in a row…

Osaka: Play again?

Kisaragi: Sure, why not?

JBK: (_from a distance_) I've been watching these three for the past hour, and I still have no idea what they're playing…

…

Author's notes: Yeah, that last one ... All three characters from those anime's are…well, a little weird. Put them together, get a card game going, and that's what I got.

Anyway, I've got another poll up, so head out to my profile and vote!!

-JBK2K1


	13. TV Spots 2

JBK: Hey, guys. Guess the Azu-girls are still stuck in my TV, so I'll just keep flipping through the channels…

…

(_Tomo and Yomi come walking outside, just as Koyomiko, Koharu, and Nekosa all jump into a box, and close it_)

Tomo: What are they doing?

Yomi: No clue…

(_Ice picking and wind noises are heard. The three Azu-kids' voices can be heard from the box_)

Koharu: Wow!! This is a lotta fun!!

Nekosa: What a great idea, Koyomiko-CHAN!!!

Koyomiko: Thanks, guys!!!

Tomo: Where the hell did they get ice picks?

Yomi: Beats me…

Koharu: _(yells)_ Whoooooo!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!

Koyomiko: Hey, Koharu-chan, I think we should keep our voices down!! We might start an avalanche!!

Tomo: _(evil grin)_ Avalanche, eh?

Yomi: Don't you dare…

Nekosa: KOHARU!! I THINK KOYOMIKO-CHAN SAID SOMETHING!!!!

Koharu: WHAT WAS THAT?!!!

Koyomiko: I SAID, I THINK WE SHOULD KEEP OUR VOICE DOWN!! WE MIGHT START AN AVALANCHE!!!!

Tomo: Avalanche started!! _(kicks box) _

_(Avalanche noises are heard)_

Kids: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

_(All the kids now sound like they're whimpering in pain)_

Tomo: _(seriously worried)_ Koyomi…ko? _(touch)_

Kids: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

_(Tomo begins to sweat profusely)_

Koyomiko: Koharu…chan…

Koharu: Yeah, Koyomiko-chan?

Koyomiko: I can't feel my legs…you're going to have to cut them off with a saw!

Koharu: I can't do that, Koyomiko-chan.

Koyomiko: Why not?

Koharu: because I've already CUT OFF MY OWN ARMS!!

Kids: GAAH!!

Tomo: I'm sorry!! _(opens box, and finds nothing wrong with them)_ Eh?

…

_(Crowd chanting "Jerry, Jerry!")_

Jerry: Ok, if you've just tuned in, our subject today is "I've spent an entire day having sex"

Crowd: Ooooooooh…

Jerry: Ok, let's bring out Yukari Tanizaki.

(Yukari comes walking out. Crowd boos her)

Yukari: Ah, F-ck you! _(middle fingers get blurred out)_

_(Yukari sits down)_

Jerry: So, Yukari, you spent an entire day having sex?

Yukari: Hell yeah!

Jerry: Care to elaborate?

Yukari: Well, this man breaks me out of prison, and buys me a brand new car. Of course I'm going to f-cking have sex with him! And all day if I have do!! What kind of man buys a brand new car for a woman?!

…

Arata: What did you see, Ayumu, what did you see?

Osaka: Pigtails…evil mind-controlling pigtails...

…

_(Tomo and Yomi are standing there. Tomo suddenly has one metal claw extend outward from her hand)_

Tomo: hehe…I've got blades…

Yomi: _(storm starts up)_ Tomo…!

…

Yomi: And that's why I go to Subway!

Tomo: Because she's so fat!

Yomi: DOUBLE CHOP!! _(thwack)_

…

Yukari: Ah-ha! Now I finally have some sake!

Nyamo: It's rum, Yukari!

Yukari: Whatever! (moves to take a drink, only to realize the bottle is empty) /i Why is the rum always gone?

…

Shaun: Ok, what channel are we on now?

Chiyo: _(offscreen)_ I think we're in a porno…

Shaun: Oh, sweet! Finally, some action!! But… _(looks at self)_ why am I in pink?

Man: Hey, big boy.

Shaun: OH MY GOD!!

(_Switch to Chiyo's shocked face_)

Shaun: _(in pain)_ Oh, please! Oh, god!!! Argh!!!

JBK: hehe…that looks like it hurts…

Chiyo: James?! But…if you're here…then who has the remote?!

…

Sachiko: _(evil smile)_ I'm gonna make millions off of this.

…

Author's notes: Sachiko makes her first appearance in Omake!! And it's being evil, as usual.

Rips in order:

1. Spongebob Squarepants

2. Jerry Springer

3. Silence of the Lambs

4. X-men

5. Subway commercials

6.Pirates of the Caribbean (Captain Jack Sparrow)

7. Attack of the Evil TV (On Newgrounds)

Hope you guys enjoyed this!

-JBK2K1


	14. Koharu's Fear

Koharu's Deep Fear

…

One would think, that with all the fight that Koharu had, against even a tazer and two people beating down on her, that she wouldn't have any fears.

Well, one of her own personal fears is if she were to lose any of her friends. That would be something that she just could not stand.

But another fear of hers, takes us to a deep dark place…

Where the screams of kids can be heard…

A receptionist checks you in…

And then, oh then…

You sit in the waiting room, and await your turn.

As Koharu sat in a chair, shaking and breathing heavily, as the scream of another child was heard, over the sound of a drill.

Yeah. The dentist's office.

"Are you going to be ok?" Kagura asked. She, Kaorin, Osaka, and Pan were all sitting in the waiting room (Arata had a business meeting that day)

"I-I'll be fine…" Koharu responded shakily.

Pan had been to a dentist office in America, so this didn't frighten her at all. She knew that as long as she took care of her teeth, the dentist wouldn't do anything harmful.

However, Koharu had been one to always see the dentist as someone who, if they didn't like you, could very easily put a drill in your mouth.

A boy with black hair came walking out with a nurse, who was holding a clipboard. A mother stood up, and went to talk to the nurse.

Koharu watched this boy, still shaking a bit. The boy noticed this, turned towards Koharu, and gave her a smile.

Koharu saw the braces, her eyes went wide, and her shaking became slightly more intense.

"Koharu, honey, are you sure you're going to be ok?" Kaorin asked.

"Did you know that the electric chair was invented by a dentist?" Osaka suddenly said.

"Osaka, that's not helping!!" Kagura yelled.

Too bad Koharu was already shaking so badly that her chair was beginning to squeak.

The mother took the boy's hand, and took him out of the office.

The nurse looked at her clipboard.

"Koharu Aida-Kagura" the nurse called out.

Koharu gulped hard, and jumped down. Fighting her fear, she walked to the nurse, who held out her hand.

Koharu grabbed hold of it.

Then another scream came from the back.

Koharu pulled out of that grip (so fast the nurse had no time to react), and jumped to Kaorin, wrapping her arms around Kaorin's body.

"Please don't send me back there!!!!" Koharu cried.

"Oh, c'mon now, Koharu, it's ok…" Kaorin said, trying to sooth her crying child.

"C'mon, Koharu!" Kagura edged on. "Think of this as a chance to face and overcome your fear!!"

"K-Koharu…you're not…afraid, are you?" Pan asked meekly.

Koharu looked over at Pan for a moment. Those terrified eyes installed some sort of courage inside of Koharu to go do this.

Either that, or Koharu didn't want to be seen as a coward in Pan's eyes.

Koharu let go of Kaorin, and slowly walked back to the nurse (who had been standing in that same place the entire time), and took her hand. The nurse squeezed Koharu's hand, making sure not to let go this time.

Koharu looked back at her parents until the door into the dentist's office closed shut.

Koharu was led to the big chair, where she got in, and laid back.

Koharu looked next to her to find a girl with her mouth being kept open.

Koharu gulped hard. Her shaking was slowly coming back.

"Open" The nurse commanded.

Koharu slowly opened her mouth. Then the nurse put some things at the corners of Koharu's mouth, so now it was being forced to stay open, like the girl's next to her.

Koharu's hands began to grip the seat handle's harder.

Then the dentist rolled up. He was a man with black hair, glasses, and a mask over his mouth and nose.

"So, Koharu-chan, first time here?" The dentist asked.

"Aaah haaa. A-Aaah aah haa taaa haha." Koharu said.

_Darn these things that keep your mouth open,_ Koharu thought.

"I see. How was your last visit to the dentist?" The dentist asked.

"Aaaah…aah aah gaaah." Koharu said.

"I see…" The dentist said. He then looked over at the girl next to Koharu. "How about you, Akira-chan, how was your last visit to the dentist?"

"It went rather well." Akira responded.

Koharu looked over at Akira, wide-eyed. How could she talk with her mouth stuck open like that?

Akira looked over at Koharu, and giggled a bit at Koharu's stare.

"I'm going become a ventriloquist someday. This is actually excellent practice for me." Akira said, turning her head back up.

"Ok, then, Koharu, time to begin…" The dentist said.

Koharu turned her head so that her mouth was up at the bright light, closed her eyes, and held a tight grip on the chair.

…

Koharu came walking back out with the nurse.

"So, how'd it go in there?" Kagura asked.

Koharu ran up, and grabbed a tight hold of Kagura.

"I don't ever want to go back in there!!" Koharu screamed, tears streaming down her face. "He sticks a pick in your mouth, picks at your teeth, then he flosses in between your far back teeth, then after he uses that fluoride stuff, he says you can't eat or drink for a half hour!!"

"And she needs to floss more" The nurse added.

Kagura and Kaorin laughed a bit.

And so, Kagura, Kaorin, and Koharu left, saying goodbye to Pan and Osaka as they left. Kagura had to carry the still-slightly-crying Koharu out.

"Well, I guess we have something to…look forward to…every six months" Kaorin said.

"Why ever six months?!" Koharu screamed from Kagura's arms. She buried her face, and cried some more.

…

Author's notes: Yeah, this idea came to me when I was at the dentist's office myself. I thought to myself:

"Koharu doesn't have a deep fear like Nekosa does…and she can't be TOTALLY fearless…"

And that's when this idea came to mind.

So, all it took was some typing time to myself.

Hope you all enjoyed!!

PS. To those that are on the Azu-Insanity board, I posted a new question on the Azu-kids section.

-JBK2K1


	15. Wanaka's Obsessions

Wanaka's Obsession

…

Jin, Megumi, and Wanaka all sat in Wanaka's room, watching Wanaka play Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess.

"You know…" Wanaka said as she cut through some grass, and found a rupee. "I've always wondered…how is it that there are so many rupees lost in grass all over the land of Hyrule?"

"I don't know…maybe the peasants have holes in their pockets…" Megumi replied.

"But how is it in the grass that's even in the dugeons?" Wanaka asked. "I mean…I don't see any peasants in there…"

"Maybe some of the past heroes died trying to get through the dungeon, and they lost it." Jin replied. "That would also explain why some monsters that you kill have rupees."

"Then why do some of them carry arrows, but only start carrying them after you get the bow?" Wanaka asked.

"I don't know!! It's not like I'm so obsessed with this game that I think about it!" Jin shot angrily.

"Well, I am, dang it!!" Wanaka shot back. She swung her sword at the enemies hard to relieve some anger.

"Whatever." Then both Jin and Megumi left the room to leave Wanaka with her obsession.

"I still say I should draw the Triforce of Wisdom on her hand, just so she'd freak out." Jin said to Megumi once they were out of ear-shot.

"Heh…I'd help too." Megumi replied.

Both Jin and Megumi sighed heavily. Sometimes, it was hard living with an LoZ obsessed person.

"Do you remember the first time she became obsessed with LoZ?" Jin asked.

"I do…" Megumi responded glumly. "Like it was yesterday, because it annoyed me so badly…"



…

(Flashback)

"So, Wanaka, explain to me what we're doing again?" Megumi asked.

"Treasure hunting… Hey, look! I found some money!" Wanaka said, as she picked it up.

_Da da da daaaaaaaa!_

Wanaka found a penny! It's worth one cent!

"Oh, look! It's a rock!"

_Da da da daaaaaaaa!_

Wanaka found a rock! It can be thrown, though it's preferred if you don't.

"Woah…found a bottlecap…" Megumi said

_Da da da daaaaaaaaaa!!_

"CUT IT OUT!!" Megumi yelled.

…

"That annoyed me to no end…" Megumi said with a shiver.

"You had it nice then." Jin replied. "Better than what she made me do…"

…

(Another flashback)

We see Jin, dressed up in typical Link clothing, carrying a fake plastic sword and shield. We see Wanaka wearing what appear to be fairy wings.

"So, tell me again why I'm dressed up like this?" Jin asked.



"Because, you need to go rescue the princess Megumi, because she's been kidnapped." Wanaka replied.

"But…what are you doing, then?" Jin asked.

"I'm your annoying helper!" Wanaka replied with a big smile.

"What?"

"HEY! LISTEN!! HEY! LISTEN!! WATCH OUT!!"

"Ok, you can stop now…" Jin said.

"HEY! LISTEN!! HEY!! WATCH OUT!! HEY!! LISTEN!!"

"I said you can stop…" Jin replied angrily.

"HEY!! WATCH OUT!! LISTEN!! HEY!! LISTEN!!"

"GAAAAH!!" Jin yelled angrily.

…

"I remember that…" Megumi said. "You came, grabbed my hand, and the both of us hid in a closet."

"Yeah…what you don't know is that I hit Wanaka with the sword, and told her I didn't want to play anymore." Jin responded. "Then she went crying to Dad, and I was forced to continue playing with her. After a few more moments of 'Hey, listen!', I ran to you."

"Ouch…" Was all Megumi could say.

They both sighed heavily again. It was hard living with an LoZ fangirl.

…

Authors notes: Yeah, just some new info on one of the newest Azu-kids, Wanaka Wada-Matsuda, and her brother and sister. It's hard for Wanaka's siblings, especially when they're young. Poor things.



Well, I'm working on the next saga of ADR now, so I hope to have it out by April 14th, when I start my new job!

-JBK2K1


	16. More Pairing Jokes

**Well, seeing as how these went pretty well, we're doing some more pairing jokes!!**

**Note: All pairings mentioned within are done so for the pure sport of humor, and are not intended to make fun of anyone who supports them.**

**PS. This first joke runs off of three I had a few Omake Chapters back.**

…

(_James is walking to the studio where he asked all the girls to meet. He wants to ask them more pairing questions.)_

_(As he is on his way, however, he sees Chiyo in a wheelchair, with a neckbrace, a broken leg, and one broken arm_)

James: My god, Chiyo…what happened to you?

Chiyo: (_grumpily_) someone paired me up with frickin' Kagura.

James: (_winces_)

…

(_Everyone is now gathered in studio_)

James: So, we have more pairing questions here… how about… Nyamo x Yukari?

Yukari: Pfffahahahahaahaha!! Didja hear that, Nyamo? People have paired us up!!

Nyamo: (_suddenly looks sick, and runs to the bathroom_)

Yukari: Eh? Was it something I said?

...

James: Well, moving on…how about Yomi x Sakaki?

Yomi: Huh?

Sakaki: Huh?

(_Both of them look at each other_)

Tomo: HOLY CRAP THEY FREAKING LOOKED AT EACH OTHER!!

James: THEY'RE GOING TO CAUSE A RIP IN THE UNIVERSE!! AAAAAAH!!

Yomi: Did we just miss something?

Sakaki: (_shrugs_)

(_Both look away, allowing everyone to breathe again_)

...

James: Ok…next we have…ah, Tomo and Sakaki!

Sakaki: I'm not really into wildcats…

Tomo: (_zooms to Sakaki_) Oh, c'mon, I know ya love me!!

Sakaki: …

Tomo: See? She's stunned speechless by my rockin' good looks!!

James: (_snickers_)

Tomo: oh, you're just jealous 'cause I got your girl!!

Sakaki: Um…Tomo…

Tomo: Then Sakaki and I can go out on a date, then we can get married, then have kids with frickin' huge knockers, then we can…

Yomi: TOMO!!

Tomo: What?

Yomi: (_points to Sakaki, who's eye is twitching madly_)

Tomo: Is that a no?

Sakaki: (_very calmly_) That would be a no.

Tomo: Damn…(_returns to her seat_)

Nyamo: I'm back…

Yukari: Where the hell were you?

Nyamo: Bathroom, I had to throw up…

Yukari: Something you ate?

Nyamo: (_grumbles_) The thought of being paired with you.

Yukari: What?

Nyamo: Nothing.

...

James: Moving on…we have…Nyamo x Kagura?

Kagura: (_snickers_) Uh, no thanks, Kurosawa-sensei's a little too…old…for me.

Yukari: (_bursts out laughing_)

Nyamo: (_blushing madly in embarrasement_) I'm…old?

Yukari: I think that's what she said!! (_continues laughing_)

...

James: And finally, we have…Sakaki x Chiyo…

(_The entire room goes quiet, as everyone stares at Sakaki and mutilated Chiyo_)

Chiyo:…

Sakaki:…

Chiyo:…

Sakaki: You'd look cute in a cat suit.

Chiyo: (_whips her wheelchair around, and faces the camera_) You people are sick minded freaks. (_wheels away_)

…

Author's notes: So, yeah, I couldn't help but pick on little Chiyo again. Sorry, Chiyo!

Well, something I whipped up in 15 minutes flat, but have been looking to do for a while. I hope you enjoyed it!!

-JBK2K1


	17. Mrs Mizuhara's Secret

Mrs. Mizuhara's Secret

...

Tomo and Yomi were walking down the street, when they came upon the group of Joe, Sakaki, Kagura, Osaka, Arata, and Kaorin.

"Hey, guys." Tomo said in an unusually serious tone.

"Hey." Joe replied.

And the group all huddled together.

"So…today's topic…where does Mrs. Mizuhara go when she just pops out in random places?" Joe asked.

"Maybe…she's like a mercenary…using underground tunnels to crawl from place to place!" Tomo said.

…

Mrs. Mizuhara is seen crawling through an underground tunnel, with black face paint under her eyes, and a black belt tied around her head.

"Must…find…secrets…oh my…my back…"

…

"Nah…she'd be covered in dirt whenever we saw her if that happened." Yomi replied.

"Oh! What about a robot?" Kagura said. "You know, like that one robot thing from that Disney movie that just came out…"

"Wall-e?" Joe said.

"Yeah, that's it! She's got spy robots!!" Kagura said.

…

A robot hides in the shadows, taking pictures.

Back at the Mizuhara household, the picture prints off.

"Oh my…what an excellent secret…"

…

"No…if that were it, I'd see the pictures." Yomi said.

"Not if she wrote them in her notebook, then destroyed them afterwards!!" Kagura retorted.

"What about the robot itself? It would need maintenance, and power, and the like…and no matter what, Yomi would HAVE to have seen it eventually." Joe said.

"Maybe she's an alien…" Osaka said.

…

"WORLD DOMINATION!!" Mrs. Mizuhara screamed at her home. "But first…to find out the secrets of these humans…"

…

"Hey, Yomi, are ya part alien?" Arata asked.

Everyone sweat-dropped at both Osaka and Arata.

"Maybe her husband is that Dagon guy from that online fanfiction I read!" Arata said. "Strange…the characters in that were vaguely familiar…"

"Moving on…" Joe said.

"What about using animals as spies?" Sakaki asked.

…

Mrs. Mizuhara held a pigeon in her hand.

"Now…fly, my pet…find me a secret!"

…

"Only Sakaki would think about using animals as spies" Tomo said.

"Can it, Takino." Joe retorted angrily.

"What about clones?" Kaorin asked.

…

The real Mrs. Mizuhara sits in a big chair, when another Mrs. Mizuhara comes walking in.

"Mizuhara, I found these secrets about the US government."

"Good work, Mizuhara." The one in the big chair said. She looks down at the notes. "Oh my…these are rather juicy…"

…

"Wouldn't I have seen at least one other clone at some point in my life?" Yomi asked.

"She's got a point…" Tomo said.

"Maybe she goes Solid Snake style!!" Kagura said suddenly.

…

A box is seen…it moves ever so slightly…

(Aux Call Press Select)

Jill: Mizu-honey, are you finding any secrets?

Mizuhara: Oh my…indeed I have…

…

"Natsuko…we need to get you off of those video games…" Kaorin said with a giant sweat-drop.

At that moment, Jill comes walking by with an armful of groceries.

"Maybe she's a magician, who can just poof places" Osaka said. "An' use magic to look in journals an' stuff"

…

Mrs. Mizuhara suddenly appears in a room, wearing a wizard's robe. "Abra Kadabra, Hocus Pocus!!"

And the locked journal magically opened.

…

This last suggestion, Jill overhears, and stops.

"Oh, my, what are you girls and guys talking about?" Jill asks.

"Where exactly Mrs. Mizuhara comes from when she just seems to pop out of nowhere..." Joe said.

"Oh, I know that one!" Jill said.

Everyone turned their complete and total attention to her.

"I actually just happened to find it out one day…and it's like a sixth sense to me now…" Jill said.

"Yes?" Joe asked anxiously.

"And you're going to be so surprised when I tell you…" Jill remarked.

"Yes?!" Osaka asked in anticipation.

"And Mizu-honey doesn't really like people knowing…" Jill continued.

"Just spit it out already!!" Yomi yelled. Being the daughter of Mrs. Mizuhara and not even knowing where her mother went was actually very frustrating.

"Ok…" Jill said. "I'll tell you right now, the real place she pops out of is…


	18. Lost Feed

James now stands in the center of the room.

He clears his throat. "Um…I would like to apologize to my readers for the previous chapter…you see…I lost the feed, and couldn't even include the author's notes, and…"

The feed begins to come on behind him.

"Oh, hey!! It's back on!!" James exclaims, looking back.

…

"…and that's where she comes from" Jill said.

"Woah…I never knew…" Yomi replied.

…

James looks utterly horrified.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! How could I suddenly lose the feed at such a critical moment?!"

James hears a whistle, and turns.

"WAAAGH!!" James screams.

"Oh my…little bit surprised, are we?"

"Mrs. Mizuhara!! What the heck are you doing here?!" James exclaimed.

"Keeping the rest of the world from knowing my secret" Mrs. Mizuhara said with a small glint in her eye.

"It's too late!! I can talk to Joe!! He'll tell me!!" James exclaimed in total happiness.

…

"She said it was a Mizuhara family secret…that only Yomi was to be told…" Joe tells James.

"What?!" James yells.

"Well, didn't you look at the feed? She shooed the rest of us away." Joe replied.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!" James yells angrily. "Where in the world does Mrs. Mizuhara go when she vanishes?!"

"How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?" Osaka asked.

"I guess the answer is the same for both questions." Joe said. "The world may never know…"

"Yeah…probably…" Osaka replied.

…

Author's notes: So there you have it! A partially collabed Omake about Mrs. Mizuhara. For those that don't know, Mrs. Mizuhara has a tendency to simply appear. It's almost a stalker-like tendency. That's where this idea came from.

Special thanks to Funari for brainstorming ideas for the crazy theories.

-JBK2K1


	19. A pairing story in one chapter

A pairing story in one chapter

Note: See author's notes as to how this came about.

…

Sakaki and Kaorin sat in a classroom.

"Oh my god…I love Sakaki…but I'm scared that they might not like me…" Kaorin whispered to herself.

The bell rings.

"Yay! Class is over!! Now we all leave!!" Yukari yelled, as she ran out.

Sakaki packed her things and left. Kaorin followed her close behind.

The two are now outside the school…

"Um…so Sakaki-san, what are you going to do for the rest of your life?" Kaorin asked.

"Probably marry, have kids, get a good job, like being a pimp." Sakaki replied.

"B-Being a pimp?" Kaorin asked nervously, gaining a blush.

"Yes… and I'm serious about it." Sakaki said.

_Ok, serious moment…now to confess!!_ Kaorin thought. She took a deep breath, and…

"Sakaki-san, I love you!!" Kaorin said. She then immediately turned her back. "No…it can't ever be!! I should just go and die somewhere...oh, my world is going black…"

"oh, but I love you too." Sakaki said.

"Really?!" Kaorin asked happily, turning back around.

"Yeah. I've always been into girls." Sakaki said.

"SCORE!!" Kaorin screamed.

Now the two ran to Kaorin's house and began making out…

"I love you, Sakaki." Kaorin said.

"I love you too, Kaorin" Sakaki replied.

…

Later

…

Kaorin and Sakaki are married, with a baby on the way.

"C'mon, Sakaki!! Push!!" Kaorin screamed.

"OHMYGODBABYDROPPED!!" Sakaki screamed.

"Congrats, it's a girl." The doctor said.

"Yay!" The two girls said.

…

Later

…

The child walks off to school, as Sakaki and Kaorin wave her on.

Kaorin sighs. "They grow up so fast…"

The child comes back later…

"Oh my god!! I found this girl that I liked, but I was afraid she wouldn't like me back, but I asked her, then I went all angst, and then they said they liked me too, then we made out, then said we loved each other, and now she's pregnant!!" their daughter said.

"Yay! That'll be for the next part!!" Kaorin said happily.

"We're going so fast!! We must be doing a time warp!!" The daughter said.

Just then, a man with a golden shovel in hand danced out and began singing.

"LET'S DO THE TIME WARP…AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!!"

…

"AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" Kaorin snapped awake in bed, and sat straight up, panting heavily. She looked around. She was in her house, Kagura sleeping soundly next to her.

Kaorin looked to her nightstand, and saw an empty soda can there.

"I need to stop drinking soda before bed." Kaorin told herself, before settling herself back down, and falling back asleep.

…

Author's notes: this came about with a random discussion on the message board I hang out at. Apparently, stories have been written where the relationships don't really build like they're supposed to. They just go in super fast motion.

That's when this idea came to mind.

Special thanks to Funari for a bit of an outline to this.

And Special thanks to AR for liking that Time Warp song so much XD

-JBK2K1


	20. Random Fun

Random Fun

Note: For those that may not know Mr. Xvious (aka Will), he is really into earthquakes and natural disasters, even to the point of writing fanfictions about them.

…

Will was in his second day of class.

"So…" he started. "now that we're all back together, is there anything you kids want to ask me?"

"I do!" A child in the front said. "You're not Japanese, are you?"

"No, I am not." Will said with a gentle smile. "I am actually from Britain."

"So…why did you become a teacher in Japan?" Nekosa asked.

"BECAUSE I LIKE EARTHQUAKES AND STUFF!!"

An awkward silence befell the students.

Will then cleared his throat. "Erm…moving along."

…

The class was now in art, with Will as their teacher.

Nekosa came walking up to Pan. "Hey Pan, what did you draw?"

"I drew the rain… I know how the rain feels…" Pan replied.

"Oh… I drew the sunshine, and this is my Okaasan and Otousan with me!!" Nekosa said, holding up the picture.

"Oh!!" Koyomiko said in an angered tone. "I just wish I could get this right…"

Koyomiko held up the Mona Lisa. "I just can't seem to get her hair down…"

Pan and Nekosa stared with one very puzzled look.

The three of them then looked up at the front, where Will was drawing his picture.

"Sensei, what are you drawing?" Nekosa asked pleasantly.

Will then showed his drawing to the whole class. "I'm drawing people dying in a blazing inferno of destruction."

The whole class went utterly silent in horror.

And Will continued. "And see the crack in the ground? There was an earthquake. And see how the buildings look wet? There was a typhoon after the earthquake before the fires started…"

"I don't think I wanna be an artist…" Nekosa said in horror.

…

"Oh, silly Koharu" The Karate Master said. "We don't learn Karate the old-fashioned away anymore…we have technology."

"Eh?" Koharu asked, tilting her head. "How do we learn it nowadays?" 

…

(A few moments later)

Koharu opened her eyes…

"I know Kung-fu."

…

Sakaki, Kagura, Osaka, Chiyo, Yomi, and Tomo are all in a swimsuit changing area.

"You know…" Osaka stared. "Ah been seein' more an' more fanfictions where tha' women are in the changin' rooms, and if one of 'em's in love with the other, they usually stare at the naked body of their lovers…"

Yomi sighed. "Honestly, why do people think we are a bunch of…" Yomi caught something out of the corner of her eye. "Tomo…why are you staring at Sakaki?"

"So when she gets naked, people will think we're in love, and write fanfictions about us!!" Tomo declared.

"U-um…" Chiyo stuttered. "Tomo-chan, I don't think that's how it…"

"QUIET!! I WANT MY BABIES TO HAVE HER HUGE KNOCKERS!!" Tomo retorted angrily.

Sakaki covered her breasts in embarrassment.

…

Tomo is sitting there playing video games.

"WHOO-HOO!! I beat Level 2 already!! I'm on fire, baby!!"

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT!!

Tomo is now covered in a white foam.

"Osaka…not literally…"

"ooooooooooh…" Osaka replied, leaving to return the fire extinguisher.

…

Sakaki, Kagura, Osaka, Tomo, and Yomi all went over to Chiyo's house.

"Hi, girls!" Chiyo piped happily as the girls entered. There was a man standing next to her…

"Geez… who's the guy, Chiyo?" Tomo asked. "Your boyfriend?"

"No…" Chiyo replied. "This is my father…"

Suddenly, both Osaka's and Sakaki's eyes rolled into the back of their heads, and they fell to the ground, foaming from the mouth.

"BLASPHEMEY!!"

The shout shook the ground as Chiyo-chichi suddenly sprang up from nowhere.

"WOAH!!" Kagura screamed, falling down.

BOOM!!

And the man standing next to Chiyo was completely decimated.

"I SHALL DESTROY THE BLASPHEMER!!"

And Chiyo-chichi flew into the air…. And suddenly…

H-hey wait!! Holycrap he's here!! Guys, listen, he's real!1 Chiyo-chichi is here, and he's I think he's go

…

Author's notes: This is a note to you all to never commit such a blasphemous crime as Jamesbondkid2001 has.

I shall be watching you.

Fare thee well to all,

Chiyo-chichi

PS. I cannot tell you how hard it is to type without a thumb.


End file.
